There is a part of me that has been holding much back. Primarily over fears about charting through uncharted waters. Endeavors through ventures that I dreamed about being able to do when I was very young...and finding myself back at the same fork in the road. When I was 18 years old, I had wanted to work at many online projects. But at the time to be able to get them off the ground required a whole lot of capital to support the projects, until they would start making money. That was something that I did not want to do since at the time, it would take a couple of years to break even. So at that point in time, I just canned the project and tried something else.
A few months ago, I re-opened the book in which I had inscribed those dreams. And fearing going at my projects alone, reached out to people to see if anyone wanted to be a part of it. To be someone who I could grow a new project with. Unfortunately...all of the people I asked denied my offer. So in the end...it was just me.
I have done much research over the years about this journey. I studies everything and as much as I could regarding the uncharted waters that I am soon going to face. The great and amazing stories, as well as the sad ones. The things that people did right...and the things that people did wrong. I have come too far for me to give up. But there is a deadline that I have to try to beat. If I cannot win on time...then I will have to resign to falling back upon old traditional means. But I will not abandon my ship. I will only have to sail it part time go forward if I can't get it off the ground as fast.
I know that the journey ahead will not be an easy one. There will be good people that I will be able to turn to for help. And I know that I will run into trolls and other negative figures along the way. After going through the test and trials of life. I have sadly come to learn how to now go about it all.
I so wished many things could have been very different. I feel as if though I have lost a very big chunk of my life. I have lost many dreams. Many friends...or at least the people that I thought were friends. I have finished pulling out all of the knives that people have stuck in my back. And I have made a list in my heart of all of the people who held my hand through the storm...and of all of the people who let go of my hand.
There are many things to be happy about, as much as sad. But I am not going to give up. There is still hope. I guess this old life was not meant to be. Helping people here locally has not been able to do it. Its time to take my dreams to another level.
At the end of this journey, will it all be worth it? Who will be the ones
sitting at my dinner table? Will they be good people?
Today, I sit alone a drift in my humble sail boat. No one to talk to. No one to share my
experiences with. The waters are calm at the moment. The breeze is calm, slightly cool and
soothing. There is a beautiful sunset in the horizon.
Will anyone listen? Will anyone care? Physically I am alone, but spiritually I am in good company. I thank you lord for holding my hand along the way. Please help guide this boat. As I alone cannot do this. But I have faith in what you want me to do for you. And in exchange for your help...I will submit myself to be a voice for you. Perhaps I cannot change my life...but through the gifts and voice that you have given me...I can help change the life of those you want me to touch.